Being a mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've made wonderful friends, brought out talents I never knew I had, dug deep within me, and the love...there is so much love. It is so hard to really describe the love I have for my children. I now know why sometimes It was hard for my mom to accurately tell me about it all. It is one of those crazy things where some little human is driving you nuts maybe crying for no real reason, made a huge mess, ruined your favorite thing, almost brought you to tears type scenario, and then they do something so cute or loving you just melt, and all those things are forgotten. The love is powerful the connection is so strong.
I am so blessed to be called a mom! It is scary to raise these humans to give it all up and try to give them the very best life possible. What if they get ruined? What if they mess up? What if I mess them up? What if they get scared, bullied, are afraid? What if I can't help them? It is the endless what ifs that keep me up at night. I constantly worry for my children...I understand a mothers prayer.
My heart pleads that they will feel and know my love. I hope they remember all the times I took them to the park, the zoo, let them have a special treat, took them swimming and not all the bad things. The time I put them in time out 10 times in one day (well lets hope they learned that lesson) , the time I cried in the car because I just couldn't go on. That time I shoved them into their room and locked myself in the bathroom just to sit in quiet for a second...this job is hard.
I read stacks of parenting books giving me ideas on how to help them be responsible, happy, independent children. I read books on how to communicate with them and how to understand their developing brain. I want so badly to be the very best I can be so that they can be the very best I know they can become! But I am just me, imperfect mother as they come. Sometimes I let them watch too much TV or let them not clean their room because the battle is not worth it. I try to relish in the endless lego battle I am facing and think I know someday I will miss coming down to some lego scene on the kitchen counter. I know I will miss the hands pulling on my clothes, the snot rubbed into my shoulder from holding the baby on my hip. My brain and heart know I will miss it all, but somedays...the hard days I want them to end. I dream of the independence age brings..no more diapers, no more missing pacifiers or bottles. What a dream!
And yet my heart aches for the baby that was lost...a person who won't be in our family. My mother heart prays to be blessed with more! My mother heart wants a baby constantly on her hip, a tiny face to whip down, and little chubby fingers and toes to kiss. My mother heart has more love to give.
I tell my children constantly how much I love them. I think it is important for them to hear it, sure they may take if for granite but they will know and feel their love form me. I think that is the most important thing a mother can give their child...unconditional love. I might not be good at all things but that one I've been working hard on giving to them.
This mothers day I felt sad and happy. I was tired I had thrown a baby shower, a big mothers day evening for young women's, and then a graduation party for Larry. It was a week where I felt I just kept giving and giving and by the time Sunday rolled around I just wanted to crawl in bed for the day. We had a nice time at church and the boys gave me a sweet card. The one thing I wanted was a picture of us all and I was able to get that! I love that we honor moms, that kids and husbands know how important we are. Everyone has a roll to play in a family and the moms the glue that holds it all together! I'm trying my best along with Larry to keep our family strong and filled with love.
Happy mothers day to all the moms out there! It takes a village to raise a child and I am surrounded by the best moms around. I know my children are loved not only by my, but by their village. It's an amazing feeling to know my kids are safe, and happy and love. It's a mothers dream! Thank you all.