Okay I have been feeling all the feelings lately. Yesterday was a super hard and long day. I didn't have a plan for the day, which is never good and the boys just kept fighting, which is not like them. Scout wasn't sleeping and she has been dealing with a bad diaper rash that she can't seem to kick, so she was clingy and fussy. I had a head ache and my eyes are bothering me so my patients was low and I was feeling like jumping out a window. To top it off Noah has sprayed cleaning solution in scouts face and she cried for about an hour as I kept rinsing her eyes out. I was steaming mad but I know he had thought it was water and didn't really mean it. He felt bad and kept telling us how sorry he was.
I hate days like this. I can't get my act together and we are all grumpy and I snap way to fast at the kids. It's the worst. It makes me feel like a failure. I took the kids to the library in the late afternoon and then fought the whole way back while Scout wailed. My mom says just some days are bad. Today was a bad day. I hope my kids don't remember them, and I know they will be in my guilt ridden memory forever. This is just real life. I struggle with wanting a perfect life and try to accept it is not and be grateful for the wonderful life I have. I try not to compare and I am really working on not judging. Everyone has problems whether they admit it or not. But on days like yesterday I feel it all the vast amount of emotions of failure, jealousy, anger...then I feel embarrassed and always a rush of gratitude when I really do think of how blessed I am.
see...all the feelings!
Tomorow will be better..I will learn and grow and try to keep the bad days, and the bad feelings at bay.