Okay since schools back in session it means the house has once again quieted down. My parents are both back at work teaching, and larry is back to working full time as usual at the firm but also schools back in. He was at school all summer too but only for one night a week, now he is back to 3 times a week at night and some saturdays. It can be SO hard sometimes being the one person taking care of these kids all alone day after day. Max can be hard, and Noah is getting into everything, he is everywhere way worse then Max every was. I feel overwhelmed at times, and that my whole life purpose is being under utilized. Sometimes I miss our simple college days, just working and going to class and studying. My brain was being engaged, I was learning new things constantly I miss that. I feel like that part of me is slowly dying away. The smart part!
I know that this is a season in my life. My fun college days were a season of life and that this too will be short and fun and I will miss it one day. I have tried hard to have my friend tribe around me, doing lots of fun planned things. I've been really on top of cleaning my house, and scheduling my meals. It has helped a lot. As well as getting up each day making my bed and getting ready for the day those are my key things to feeling like I am still in the world, not dying away in little mommy world.
I have found so much joy in my children and have loved staying home and embracing motherhood and really being a home maker. I want our house to be safe, clean, and a place people want to be. Feel the love that is there right? I know that this is all things that I can accomplish while being a stay at home parent I just sometimes need that extra push or reminder because it is such hard work and then to have a husband that is rarely around to appreciate it. I know that Larry loves me being at home, he feels safe leaving the house each day know his kids are in good hands. That is a big confidence boost he also knows that if I wanted to go back to nursing I could in a second it is just a choice I would have to make.
I think my biggest thing is that I look young, and people assume I never went to college or just popped these babies out with know plans. I usually always make sure if I meet someone that I tell them I was a nurse, now a mom with a husband in law school. It is a pride thing for me, which I probably shouldn't care about but when you look 16 I do. Anyways I am working hard as being okay with doing things alone. I've gotten confident in being able to take both boys out shopping, to the park, swimming, by myself and it feels good. Some days are better then others but when the days are good I feel like super mom know what I can do alone...even though it is always better to have Larry with us and be a complete family.