I've been thinking a lot. Life is hard, and I am a little sick of it.
As I was sitting in my bathroom crying last night while my sweet Mr. was putting the baby down I realized so many of my fervent prayers have gone unanswered. I feel lost and a little alone. I've been frusterated and feeling like I am losing my faith a bit. I understand that not all my prayers will be answered but at the moment I feel like they are being ignored.
My husband has given me many O talks about prayer and faith but really I don't want to hear that, I just want everything to work out..is that so hard to ask? We do EVERYTHING I feel like we are suppose to do and try our hardest so where is the love?
I know I know I am healthy, I have a healthy baby and a roof over my head and food to eat but I just want to catch a break...ya know? And on top of that I feel emense guilt for not being grateful for that and just that.
Anyway these things have been weighing on my mind. Its hard. Life is...really if I knew mortality would be this way I am not so sure I would have chosen this plan :)
Am I alone out there? Does anyone cry on their bathroom floor from time to time? Does anyone feel like what the heck am I doing here?
One last thing. Today in church this women spoke about a storm coming in your life. Bad things happen whether it be a long drizzle or a down poor it comes. I thought dang that is right...My life is a long painful drizzle at times and she mentioned that some blessings don't come till after this life...oh boy. I don't know how I feel about that.
more to ponder about I guess...and keep praying even if they are being ignored :)