Saturday, October 24, 2015

Feeling Overwhelmed...

This week has been a DOOZY! I don't know, well I am sure actually that is had something to do with my short temper and pregnancy hormones, but if I could not relive another week like this for awhile that would be great!

Noah has been on rampage...I am feeling defeated. After all the months of working with him, time outs, spanking, talking, lessons of behaving and obeying I thought and could see that he had made some progress. He was listening better, obeying quicker, and less wild...wasn't breaking out of the house or bolting at any chance that came his way. Well these last few weeks he has really digressed. He has been found 2 times in my dads car playing after me franticly searching the house for him, unlatched the backyard gate numerous times and found across the street...and the cherry on top is unlocking the front door and letting himself and scout out and me finding them 5 houses down the street. He has woken her up from naps and dumped more things out in the kitchen then I can count. He has made me cry a lot

The other day at the park he decided to ride his trike to the other park even after I told him no. I was loading kids into the car and he drove away I kept yelling for him and I could see his little head nodding back and forth saying "No" as he drove away. I ran after him and got pretty mad. He later in the car through screaming tears told me that "the bad jesus told him to do it, and that the good jesus told him not to in his heart, but he wanted to listen to the bad jesus, and he wasn't going to be in our family anymore." Max promptly told him there was only good jesus not bad and that he didn't know what he was talking about. I almost died. What do you say to that?!

He has been sleeping awful, bed hoping for the last month or so, I thought it was a phase but now I am not sure. His naps are spastic but if not taken he looses all common sense (whatever he has) at 5pm and wants to go to sleep. If he can get into it he will and if he knows it was naughty he says he will never do it again, even though he will.

Every night when I lay by him to go to sleep I watch his big brown eyes grow heavy and his sweet little snores I say a prayer that we can make it through another day, and that he was kept alive for another day and that I hope he knows how much he is loved even though we are experiencing some growing pains in our relationship right now.

He is so funny and loving and playful and he obviously says the most precocious things and I am sure that he is made that way to balance out the naughty and the impulsive side of him that I am so desperate to tame. Today I couldn't find him after cleaning the kitchen, I went upstairs and he was asleep on his bed...peaceful and I have to remind myself what a baby his still is, and that I am so glad he is in our family...even though he threatens to leave it often.

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