It's A GIRL!!

We found out today that our sweet newest addition is a baby girl! Now this entire pregnancy I have been torn with the fact that I so badly wanted another girl. First I wanted Scout to have a sister something I have never had, and Second I don't know if I could at this point in my motherhood do another boy...maybe down the line but Noah is still a terror and I just wasn't sure I was up for more dirtiness everywhere and sword fighting.

Going into the ultrasound I was nervous, I have had this feeling every pregnancy but especially this one that maybe the baby wasn't healthy...maybe it is the nurse in me or my miscarriage experience that has made me extra sensitive but lets just say my heart was racing. I brought Scout girl along and drop the boys off at their cousins to play. Larry met me and we went in. I didn't even look at the screen the entire time, I was that nervous. The tech who we have seen numerous times over the last 2 years said everything looked amazing and beautiful. Baby was measuring small (which is right on with my other 3 pregnancies) and that she knew it was normal for me. Then I saw the sweetest little profile face and declared it looked like a boy! haha she laughed and said NOPE it is a girl!!

I could have cried! I felt like a pray had been answered and I was so happy for Scout to be getting a sister. Larry seemed pretty happy too and was glad like me that the baby got a clean bill of health. Really is is SUCH a miracle to have healthy children, so many awful sad things can go wrong I mean I know every detail down to the DNA, that was part of my major in college so I know what a miracle it is. And each time it becomes more apparently and we are always so grateful. I love this baby so much all ready. Max was really excited because he said he knew it was a girl, and Noah and Scout really don't have a clue. I thought that Noah might get it but he doesn't remember me pregnant with scout and he will be still 3 when this little girl comes almost 4 so he'll get it when she arrives!

We are really excited and can't wait to meet her. The name game begins because we didn't have any ideas in mind. With the other 3 we kinda knew right away so she will have to be thought about for awhile. Can't wait to meet you baby girl!!

Baby #4!!

I've been busy with normal life and forgot to mention we are having another sweet baby!! We got pregnant shortly after my d&c that happened in April. I was all sorts of worried for a few months but the morning sickness came on and stayed and after 2 ultrasounds we were so excited to feel out of the danger zone! Today I had an appointment and my dr. couldn't find a heartbeat for awhile...she said she could hear the baby moving around but couldn't pinpoint a heartbeat. After she could tell I was getting nervous she pulled out the ultrasound machine and found that the baby is super high up and that she was down too low. She figured since this is technically my 5th pregnancy this baby has a lot of room to move around so we might be searching until I get bigger. I had felt the baby kick the other night so I knew things were probably okay but after what we experienced in April I am a bit more nervous about things. I am 17 weeks along and we will find out in a few weeks what this baby is! I am excited and feel SO SO blessed that we get to welcome another baby into our lives and our family. I am sure it is the hormones but I have been extra grateful for my beautiful children. Most days I am doing great we have are bad cranky days both the kids and I but mostly I am so grateful for my family and my healthy smart and loving children! I can't wait to welcome another one into our family and to see the kids smother this one with love as well. So sweet baby #4 we are thrilled to meet you and hope that you are growing nice and healthy in there! Can't wait for early March!! 

There is the little peanut back in August! Such a miracle, we are calling it our rainbow baby! 

A miscarriage

Larry and I found out in early February we were surprisingly excepting another sweet baby! I just laughed when I took the pregnancy test and saw a plus sign appear. Of course I was pregnant amidst a crazy time for us and the other fact that baby Scout was just 6 months old. I was really nervous trying to wrap by head around having a 15 month old and a new baby and then the nausea set in and I was just grumpy I was doing this so soon. We tried to go out for my birthday and I couldn't handle all the smells. I had been pregnant my last birthday and now one year later pregnant again. It was hard to cope taking care of the kids and wanting to crawl in a hole. But I also was getting pretty excited the idea of a new little baby. My first appointment was smooth sailing and then I didn't go in for awhile because I was sick and busy. I went in for a 15 week appointment and to my shock and devastation I found out the baby had stopped growing around 10 weeks. What was even more worse is that I had continued to get sick and my bump was starting to grow. My poor body couldn't figure out that they baby had died and the pregnancy was no longer happening. At first I was numb, I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I quickly left the office and called Larry. It took me awhile to tell him what had happened. I had to calm myself enough to pick up Max from preschool then get the word out. I texted Cortney to ask if she would pass the word along. I was far along enough that people knew and I think one of the worst parts was having to face people and tell them the news.

The next few days were a blur of sadness and another Dr. appointment to talk about options. Once I knew that the baby was gone I wanted it out as soon as possible. I wanted to heal and move on. A week after I had found out I went in for a d&c. I woke up after the procedure to some pain and was pretty out of it for the next 2 days on pain meds. I had a few break downs and cried alot but I had to remember I have 3 beautiful healthy children and a sweet baby scout to hold and kiss, she is still such a baby. My mom helped a lot as well as people dropping by things from the ward. It was nice to not have to talk to people but to know they were thinking of our lose. It is such an awful thing the anticipation of a new baby and then in a second life changes and that little one is not coming to you, and you have to switch gears.

One of the saddest parts was when I was in bed, Max came in and needed me to do something. I wasn't able to move and asked if he could wait. He was so upset he said all's I did was lay around in bed and stormed off. It stung. He has seen me be morning sick for 3 months and now dealing with this, something his little mind can't comprehend and he was upset. I felt so bad, I still do. I remember thinking when I was so nauseous I can only do this to my kids so many more times, at least Max who is the only one that will really remember me being pregnant all those times kinda of understands but losing a baby he has never seen was to much for him to understand. We told him the baby was coming later then we thought not before Halloween but maybe in the spring. He didn't understand and still asks my why my belly isn't getting big.

We hope that I can heal and then hopefully be blessed with another baby soon. I have realized what a true blessing it is to have healthy pregnancies and babies. I have been so blessed and probably took it for granite most of the time. I know truly realize what a miracle it all is and how lucky we are. I pray we can have more children and that I can be more sympathetic to anyone who has to deal with something life this.

Baby #3 is a GIRL!!!!

Can you believe it?  I was SO sure that this baby was a boy but Larry kept thinking it was a girl. I think I kept telling myself I thought it was a boy so that it would be easier. I already know boys, I have the clothes ect. I am really nervous about it all. I feel like every girl baby I know has been more high maintenance then my boys as a baby. But I know some girls mellow out as toddlers and I have some busy toddler boys. One thing I will say is that girl clothes are so stinking cute!! I will be in trouble shopping for her! Can you believe I just typed that..Her!! A Girl!! 

An early Christmas present.

Harris Baby #3 is on it's way, due early July! 

We are so thrilled to be having another baby, its the best present anyone could get. 

NO really Don't Worry...

I would love to get up with the fussy baby at 5:00 am...then 5:30...then 6:00...then at 6:30 just decied to start my day. Oh what is that you say?? Oh I can take a nap during their nap times..right. Oh you love me..right husband just keep telling yourself that as you lay comfy in your warm bed...alone!

oh man that was my morning. Did i mention I am not a morning person? My children are not either which makes for painful mornings with sometimes a lot of crying and yelling not just coming from the babes. I am SO tired of feeling like a zombie, and I can only consume so much diet coke, which is an unhealthy amount as it is. But have no fear It's 7:00am and I've been up for 2 hours without any diet coke yet! Go ME.

why did I decied to stat blogging this early? Oh yes to make a mental note that even though sometimes I am dying to have yet again another baby I need to remember to mother the ones I have right now, especially the little one that loves to get up still in the night. And to remind myself how much I hate hate hate getting out of bed to get that baby in the middle of the night. Keep reminding me okay...because right now my womb is feeling pretty empty. Goodness gracious what is wrong with me?

My Thoughts On Motherhood...

"Let every mother realize that she has no greater blessing than the children which have come to her as a gift from the Almighty; that she has no greater mission than to rear them in light and trust, and understanding and love; that she will have no greater happiness than to see them grow into young men and women who respect principles of virtue, who walk free from the stain of immorality and from the shame of delinquency.... I remind mothers everywhere of the sanctity of your calling. No other can adequately take your place. No responsibility is greater, no obligation more binding than that you rear in love and peace and integrity those whom you have brought into the world."-- Gordon B. Hinckley

I love this quote and I thought it was fitting for the events about to unfold in my very boring but wonderful life. Tomorrow morning is the big day. I will be a mother of two if everything goes good tomorrow with my induction. I am so happy to be done with this pregnancy and to meet the little guy coming into our lives. I have had bitter sweet feelings about it all day as I played with Max and took care of him. I feel bad for him having no clue what is happening. Tomorrow night will be the first night I have left him and really it will be the longest time we have ever spent apart, I usually only leave him for 2 maybe 3 hours. Its going to be rough on him and on me. I get upset thinking about leaving my sweet little baby and then bring another one home...its weird, exciting, emotional all in one big package. Anyway wish me luck, for some reason I am a lot more nervous the second time around then the first time :) I keep praying its quick and painless like the last and that everything goes smooth, and that he is healthy and happy little boy!

Feeling Big and Blue

I am still pregnant, and frustrated about it! I am still dilated to a 4 and just waiting. Its really fine except I can't go anywhere because it could happen at anytime. My mom had planned a girls day down in fresno today to do crafts, eat, and then have a baby shower for one of my cousins...I honestly thought I would be able to go when we set the date a few months ago not knowing I would be so far along at 38 weeks pregnant. Well sadly I didn't get to go after Larry putting his foot down and my Dr. putting some common senese into me yesterday at my appointment. I kinda fell apart last night when my mom was getting things ready though, I think its just those postpartum hormones gearing up. I feel like I will be pregnant forever and stuck at a 4 forever as well as getting fatter by the day. The one good thing is my dr. said if I don't have this baby this week she scheduled my induction for next wednesday. So even though there is an end sight and having a baby a week early is great I am still tired and ready for this pregnancy to be ending. I think its really just because I've had so many contractions and false alarms these last 5 weeks! Hopefully the blue and big feelings will subside when I hold that sweet little newborn any second now!

Whats the best thing to get right before you give birth??

Oh thats right a UTI!

I woke up at 4 am on Thursday with strong sporadic contractions. I decided to take a shower, get ready, and then decided if I wanted to go to L&D. The contractions stopped and I went on with my day then later that night they were back but along with it came that feeling...you know the feeling of having to pee one billion times with no liquid there. I proceeded to go to sleep and woke up around 5 am with strong contractions and felt like maybe my water had broken...I decided to call my dr. around 8:00am and slightly mentioned the peeing problem. Sure enough after a long morning at the office {poor Larry I made him miss work and come with me) it was decided that my water was still intact but I indeed did have a UTI. I was checked dilated at a 4 and was put on antibiotics and sent on my marry way with a follow up for Monday which hopefully I have the baby by then or we will be scheduling my induction :) Either way I am so exhausted and ready for this little guy to come because waking up at all hours of the night with a sweet newborn is 100 times better then having a UTI. Such an awesome day. The best part of the morning was my dr. going through the steps of how to catch/deliver the baby if Larry needed to do it haha his face was pretty classic.

Full Term!

I made it 37 weeks! Had a Dr. appointment this morning. This pregnancy has been very interesting and similar/different then Max's. My fluid is looking low but still in normal range so that is good and baby looks like a tiny little thing similar to Max's size hopefully. My Dr. says I am almost 100% effaced and dilated to a good 3 :) All those contractions and long walks are paying off. She stripped my membranes and told me if I feel anything unusual or some strong contractions to RUN not walk to the hospital because the head is so low she thinks its going to be a speedy birth similar to Max. I had my usual ultrasound and NST baby sounded good but wasn't moving too much but they think its because he is so low in the birth canal he can't really move a whole lot. Hopefully my body will kick it into high gear and we can have this baby this week! If not then my Dr. said she would schedule an induction for the week of the 26th so I don't end up having the baby in the car. So at least I know 2 weeks from now I will not be pregnant anymore...but I am crossing my fingers that stripping my membranes did the trick and he makes he arrival in a hospital bed this week. For those of you who do not know there is a history of rapid births in my family and being that my first delivery was unusually fast the second can be even more so, like my Dr. said second babies are notorious for being delivered places they should not be for example the car :)

Anyways here I am in all my glory with a full term little baby boy, Max & Larry.

{Notice how Max will not stay still at all}

Baby Update:

So I had a Dr. appointment Monday and after my fluid check (which looks great) I mentioned how I had been contracting regularly everyday not to many to worry me but some very painful. She decided to check me and said I wasn't dilated yet but was on the verge. I am only 33 weeks and really ideally I would like to make it to 37 weeks. We decided to make another appointment in 2 weeks just to check in before she left on vacation. I was totally okay happy knowing that this baby will be here sooner then later. Today though after lunch I had constant contractions for almost 2 hours. I was in a lot of pain. Luckily Max was napping and my mom was home so if anything was to happen I wasn't alone with Max. At one point though I was laying on my bed in tears just thinking that I was SO not ready for this and my poor mom was trying to help me through. Finally the contractions subsided and after taking a nap I woke up with a sore belly but the contractions were gone.

My Dr. called me and told me I did everything right but if it had been longer to go to the hospital. I guess I need to pack myself a bag just incase. I called Larry to let him know what had happened and he was a little upset at me for not letting him know sooner. I am always joking that if I don't get induced and I go into labor naturally he might miss it because he is gone so much and unreachable when he is in court. I think we better start thinking of plans of what to do if this happens again and no one is home except me and Max, I could just see myself driving to the hospital carrying my toddler with me. Anyways we will see what happens in the next few weeks. I would love to have this baby early but not to early and I really hope I end up getting induced and not having to second guess my body and then having this baby somewhere other then the hospital :)

A Big Fat 32 Weeker...

I am 32 weeks pregnant and starting to feel this coming to an end...hopefully. Overall this has been a super easy pregnancy. I finally have a belly bump and feel little boy move a bit more. He is not as active as Max was which makes me wonder if my fluid is dropped in the last week or so? I don't have an appointment till yearly next week so we will check then. It will be interesting to see how big this boy is because I am similar size to last time I think (you be the judge) but I am crossing my fingers and praying he is little and I have a smooth delivery like last time. I think sometimes its more nerve racking your second time around because you know how great or awful it can go and its hard not to compare or have similar expectations. I continually pray that it is a smooth happy delivery like Max's, one can only hope. Anyways I am starting to feel a lot more contractions then every before. Nothing consistent but some are very painful and come late at night. Every time a painful one hits I get a bit panicky.

Having an unexpected pregnancy can be hard but its still such a blessing. I need to bite my tongue and be extremely grateful that I have the chance to be a mother and that my body is up for the challenge and willing does what it is made to do. I am getting excited to see what he looks like and what color his eyes will be. Max has big blue eyes which when one does the pundent square (aw biology) he had a 1 in 4 chance of getting those babies so it will be fun to see if we get a brown eyed boy this time. We have a name picked out finally (we think) and its beginning to feel a bit more real. I am trying to get Max to hold his baby doll more and to learn what a hat is which new babies wear and we are enforcing the no bottle rule (except for bedtime) because only babies need those not big brothers.

In reality there is no way to truly prepare a 19 month old for what is in store, but I want him to feel that he is still loved and very important to our family. Its nice to know I will continue to stay home with the boys and just continue to be a mom. So here is to the final couple of weeks. Who knows when this baby will come 5 weeks from now is when I had Max so we will see!

Oh here I am 32 weeks at both pregnancies:

Left Picture Baby #2 and Right Picture Baby Max :)

29 weeks...and other mom ramblings.

I went into the Dr. today for my 29 week appointment. The baby looks good, small but good and my fluid level is normal for now! Its a love hate relationship with my fluid levels. Sometimes its nice to have a concern because then you get above and beyond care but then there is a worry as well. For now everything is good though in that area. The baby is not too active though and I don't feel too much movement. My placenta is right up front so if the baby kicks I barely feel it so thats kinda annoying because that is one true indicator if something is wrong but its harder to tell with me.

I continue to let my Dr. know how anxious I am about this labor. I really really do not want to have a baby in the car so I am crossing my fingers that she will induce me but we will have to wait awhile to see. Lets all hope because rapid births are all to real in my family:) I have gone through all the baby clothes again and organized them and we are moving Max into his own room next week! No more closet baby! So things are starting to feel more real as the weeks go by. We are getting pretty excited and nervous to be adding another family member to the mix but I can't wait to hold this little guy and tackle being a mom of 2. Hopefully I survive.

Max has been very helpful with organizing the baby clothes and helping me clean his new room. He has no clue what is going on...he doesn't even understand my belly is getting larger and that kicking me or hitting me there is a naughty thing. Its been a challenge to parent him as he is starting to gain his own personality and independence. He is pretty sweet natured but boy he can be so dang stubborn about things its hard to keep your patients and really try to teach him why he can or cannot do certain things.

Anyways I know that no one cares about these things but I want to remember and look back when things were nuts and I was in the thick of having and raising kids and remember the funny, challenging, and joyful moments.

25 weeks

I haven't documented much about this pregnancy yet, so heres the down low...

Im just about 25 weeks pregnant...15 to go!

I've gained 7 pounds. This is the most shocking I have already gained half of my entire weight from last time...I need to stop eating!

Small little belly similar to last time, people can't tell if I'm pregnant or fat. I think Im HUGE but its all relative.

Baby moves randomly mostly at night but not as active as Max was (yet).

Heart beat is strong and constant.

I am a lot more anxious about this delivery more then the last.

Fluid seems to be normal so far although I measure small.

Picking another boy name has been challenging.

Getting pretty excited to have a new baby around!

It's a....

BOY!!!

Max will have a little brother coming April 1st. We are pretty excited to have double the trouble and messes. I saw his little boy part right away and it was pretty clear we are doing blue clothes again! I am excited for Max, I think every little mischievous boy needs a brother to teach him the ropes. So heres to another sweet boy coming to our family! Baby looked healthy and great. The dr. are watching my fluid levels carefully and hopefully everything goes smoothly only 20 weeks left!

Staying Positive While Getting Fat.

I am having a hard time staying positive and feeling good about my body. I am now officially 20 weeks and half way through this pregnancy. I have relatively gained the same weight so far as the last one but somehow this time around I feel much wider then before. I feel like I am this chubby person and I am frankly getting depressed about it. I worked hard with Max not to gain weight and worked very hard about getting rid of it. I am self-conscious and feel super bad already and I am only half way there. I don't seem to remember having this problem but I am in a mood and Its been hard to snap out of it. Any ideas?

Yes Yes I know I am pregnant...and you get fat when that happens but I am small and looking fat doesn't suit my already baby fat face. I eat right, and exercises and chase around a toddler I don't know what else to do. Larry says I should put in a disclaimer that he thinks I look great and I have not busted out the maternity clothes yet. {yahoo} small victory I guess.

Maybe I shouldn't be writing this as I sit on my bed and have just eating dinner...because that just makes things worse after you eat you never feel skinny. Anyways I must stay positive! I must I must. Oh hey we find out what we are having Wednesday fun right? Maybe I will feel better then:)

Big Brother Max.

I keep telling Max he is going to be a big brother. He really has no clue what is going on but the other day I told him to go get his babies and he promptly got up from the floor ran to the toy closet and pulled out his baby dolls and brought it to me. He is such a smart little guy he might not say baby but he knows what it is! He will hug and kiss his babies but then drop them on the floor when something more interesting comes along. Its going to take him awhile to learn to be gentle but I think he will get the hang of it eventually.

Surprise Surprise!

HARRIS BABY #2 IS ON THE WAY

DUE APRIL 1st

Once I pulled myself from the bathroom floor from the total shock of a plus sign on the pregnancy test, cried, and took a couple of weeks to be in denial I have finally come to terms with this unexpected surprise and am getting pretty use to the idea that I will have 2 kids. We have waited awhile to say anything to anyone because it really was a surprise and it took me a while to think I would be having a new baby while Max is still such a baby. I am really happy and excited now and am hoping I get some super mom powers to take care of a new baby and a 22 month old.

Lesson to learn from this: 99% effective at preventing pregnancy...there is still a 1% chance so be careful out there! My doctor laughed at me when I was asking her how the heck does this happen over and over again. She says I must be so fertile I need to be careful when my husband changes his pants and I am in the other room. She also said not to feel bad this happens all the time, and my body looks great and is ready to have another stinking cute baby!

Anyways I am 15 weeks today and have started to feel a lot better. I am tired and a tiny bump is appearing this time and I can feel the baby move a lot more. I am starting to feel pretty excited and nervous all at once. Raising Max has been a challenging joy and I hope I will continue to find joy and love for this new baby. Being a mother is a privilege and something I try not to take for granite.

I am a nurse!

I passed my nursing boards!!! I have an official licenses number and everything...its fancy.

Went to the doctor today my fluid dropped again and is borderline and I lost 3 pounds {crazy} but my doctor said we would go till Wednesday and see from there so I am okay with that, really there is no hurry because I like me sleep and not having to buy diapers yet.

{Here we are full term 9 months pregnant}

contracting

Today I am grateful for random contractions...it means this is almost over.

Had another NST today he is doing good so we are going to go back on Friday and do a fluid level check again...

I took my nursing state boards today and my brain hurts.

our lives are so boring...I am sorry.