Max's 6 year old molar!

Tonight as I was brushing Max's teeth I noticed that he had a tiny little adult molar popping in! Crazy! He hasn't lost any baby teeth yet but seeing that first permanent tooth made my heart break just a tiny bit. He is getting older and while I am just weeks away from welcoming baby #4 it is a bit sad that my first is growing and getting big. I know he has major mile stones ahead but for some reason this one hit me a little hard! He was SO excited when I noticed and showed him, he has been kinda sad he hasn't lost a tooth yet and lots of kids in his class have but this made him feel super special and was showing everyone in the house :) Love that boy of mine, and slightly glad he still has all those baby teeth and hope he hangs on to them for awhile longer so he doesn't have those funny smiles as well as protecting those adult teeth that will eventually come in! Big night in the Harris household.

A Summer Evening.

For family home evening tonight we took the kids to get ice cream then went on a walk around town center. We try to do a real lesson every other week then an activity in between. We also have been working hard on reading scriptures every night, we are doing well and are falling into a good routine. Anyways we walked around the kids were happy and the weather was very beautiful, unnaturally cool especially for the hot streak we had last week. 

As I was putting the kids to bed later in the night I was getting so frustrated, I usually put the boys down separate as to give them each their own time and hopefully help them fall asleep better, it is time consuming but it works. Anyways tonight they ended up going to bed together and it took me an hour to get them to finally fall asleep in the same bed. I was frustrated and mad and I thought, geez how do I go from super happy and content in motherhood to super cranky and over it just in a few hours time? Earlier I had been thinking how great things were then the pendulum swings and I want to pull my hair out! 

I know that is why I document the good and the bad, but mostly the good so I can remember when I am at my breaking point wanting to scratch my eye balls because this motherhood gig is hard I can remember nice summer nights were things were great, and everyone was so happy. I do love this family of mine so much even when it seems to hard to continue on! 

 

To file into my mothering folder.

I read this on a blog on mothers day and have been wanting to remember it ever since. It really spoke to me and got me all choked up. Every bit of it is so true I just loved it so much. The other night I shamelessly yelled at Max. I had a terrible headache, I was on my period (which I haven't had in over 2 years) I was tired...the list of excuses goes on and on. I felt awful after. He was acting his normal whiny hard self and I couldn't take it anymore. I snapped. After I calmed down I went and apologized he quickly said "thats okay mom" but I kept pressing him telling him sometimes being a mom is hard and I am trying my best but sometimes I am wrong and moms need to be able to say "sorry" I wish I never had to say it but I am not perfect and neither is he. He is learning and growing and I need to be the best mom I can be for him. I hope that I can be enough for him, for all of my kids.

THE LANYARD

The other day as I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room
bouncing from typewriter to piano
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
I found myself in the "L"section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word, Lanyard.
No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one more suddenly into the past.
A past where I sat at a workbench
at a camp by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid thin plastic strips into a lanyard.
A gift for my mother.
I had never seen anyone use a lanyard.
Or wear one, if that's what you did with them.
But that did not keep me from crossing strand over strand
again and again until I had made a boxy, red and white lanyard for my mother.
She gave me life and mild from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted teaspoons of medicine to my lips,
set cold facecloths on my forehead
then led me out into the airy light
and taught me to walk and swim and I in turn presented her with a lanyard.
"Here are thousands of meals" she said,
"and here is clothing and a good education." 
"And here is your lanyard," I replied,
"which I made with a little help from a counselor."
"Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth and two clear eyes to read the world." she whispered.
"And here," I said, "is the lanyard I made at camp."
"And here," I wish to say to her now,
"is a smaller gift.  Not the archaic truth,
that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took the two-toned lanyard from my hands, 
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless worthless thing I wove out of boredom
would be enough to make us even."

--Billy Collins

A Sleepy Scout

Nothing, and I mean nothing is better then watching a baby sleep. It is the most calming, safe feeling watching this precious baby sleep. I have hundreds of pictures of my sleeping kids. Noah in particular I have a lot of because there is something so nice in watching him so innocent even though he is so crazy when he is awake.

Watching scout the other day sleeping as Larry drove us home from a fun Saturday at the park and lunch made my heart burst. I love watching her tiny features I had to grab a picture. She is growing up so fast before I know it she will be a toddler. I am trying to remember every tiny detail of her. I feel like I just keep shoveling more and more memories into my brain trying to capture it all before she vanishes before my eyes. It is honestly giving me this panicked feeling of how cruel time is and how fast it goes by. It makes me heartsick at times.

For now I will document it all, every sleeping picture and every moment I feel totally content with my life. Oh I much I love this darling girl! We were so blessed when she joined our family!

                  

Mothers Day 2015

I have been a mother now for almost 5 years. Where has the time gone? and I also have SO many more years of mothering to do, really a lifetime more! Motherhood in one word is exhausting. In a million more words it is the best most selfless, crazy, endless, rewarding, loving, silly, messy, sad, exciting, nerve racking, constantly praying job I have ever done.

Being a mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've made wonderful friends, brought out talents I never knew I had, dug deep within me, and the love...there is so much love. It is so hard to really describe the love I have for my children. I now know why sometimes It was hard for my mom to accurately tell me about it all. It is one of those crazy things where some little human is driving you nuts maybe crying for no real reason, made a huge mess, ruined your favorite thing, almost brought you to tears type scenario, and then they do something so cute or loving you just melt, and all those things are forgotten. The love is powerful the connection is so strong.

I am so blessed to be called a mom! It is scary to raise these humans to give it all up and try to give them the very best life possible. What if they get ruined? What if they mess up? What if I mess them up? What if they get scared, bullied, are afraid? What if I can't help them? It is the endless what ifs that keep me up at night. I constantly worry for my children...I understand a mothers prayer.

My heart pleads that they will feel and know my love. I hope they remember all the times I took them to the park, the zoo, let them have a special treat, took them swimming and not all the bad things. The time I put them in time out 10 times in one day (well lets hope they learned that lesson) , the time I cried in the car because I just couldn't go on. That time I shoved them into their room and locked myself in the bathroom just to sit in quiet for a second...this job is hard.

I read stacks of parenting books giving me ideas on how to help them be responsible, happy, independent children. I read books on how to communicate with them and how to understand their developing brain. I want so badly to be the very best I can be so that they can be the very best I know they can become! But I am just me, imperfect mother as they come. Sometimes I let them watch too much TV or let them not clean their room because the battle is not worth it. I try to relish in the endless lego battle I am facing and think I know someday I will miss coming down to some lego scene on the kitchen counter. I know I will miss the hands pulling on my clothes, the snot rubbed into my shoulder from holding the baby on my hip. My brain and heart know I will miss it all, but somedays...the hard days I want them to end. I dream of the independence age brings..no more diapers, no more missing pacifiers or bottles. What a dream!

And yet my heart aches for the baby that was lost...a person who won't be in our family. My mother heart prays to be blessed with more! My mother heart wants a baby constantly on her hip, a tiny face to whip down, and little chubby fingers and toes to kiss. My mother heart has more love to give.

I tell my children constantly how much I love them. I think it is important for them to hear it, sure they may take if for granite but they will know and feel their love form me. I think that is the most important thing a mother can give their child...unconditional love. I might not be good at all things but that one I've been working hard on giving to them.

This mothers day I felt sad and happy. I was tired I had thrown a baby shower, a big mothers day evening for young women's, and then a graduation party for Larry. It was a week where I felt I just kept giving and giving and by the time Sunday rolled around I just wanted to crawl in bed for the day.  We had a nice time at church and the boys gave me a sweet card. The one thing I wanted was a picture of us all and I was able to get that! I love that we honor moms, that kids and husbands know how important we are. Everyone has a roll to play in a family and the moms the glue that holds it all together! I'm trying my best along with Larry to keep our family strong and filled with love.

Happy mothers day to all the moms out there! It takes a village to raise a child and I am surrounded by the best moms around. I know my children are loved not only by my, but by their village. It's an amazing feeling to know my kids are safe, and happy and love. It's a mothers dream! Thank you all.

A miscarriage

Larry and I found out in early February we were surprisingly excepting another sweet baby! I just laughed when I took the pregnancy test and saw a plus sign appear. Of course I was pregnant amidst a crazy time for us and the other fact that baby Scout was just 6 months old. I was really nervous trying to wrap by head around having a 15 month old and a new baby and then the nausea set in and I was just grumpy I was doing this so soon. We tried to go out for my birthday and I couldn't handle all the smells. I had been pregnant my last birthday and now one year later pregnant again. It was hard to cope taking care of the kids and wanting to crawl in a hole. But I also was getting pretty excited the idea of a new little baby. My first appointment was smooth sailing and then I didn't go in for awhile because I was sick and busy. I went in for a 15 week appointment and to my shock and devastation I found out the baby had stopped growing around 10 weeks. What was even more worse is that I had continued to get sick and my bump was starting to grow. My poor body couldn't figure out that they baby had died and the pregnancy was no longer happening. At first I was numb, I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I quickly left the office and called Larry. It took me awhile to tell him what had happened. I had to calm myself enough to pick up Max from preschool then get the word out. I texted Cortney to ask if she would pass the word along. I was far along enough that people knew and I think one of the worst parts was having to face people and tell them the news.

The next few days were a blur of sadness and another Dr. appointment to talk about options. Once I knew that the baby was gone I wanted it out as soon as possible. I wanted to heal and move on. A week after I had found out I went in for a d&c. I woke up after the procedure to some pain and was pretty out of it for the next 2 days on pain meds. I had a few break downs and cried alot but I had to remember I have 3 beautiful healthy children and a sweet baby scout to hold and kiss, she is still such a baby. My mom helped a lot as well as people dropping by things from the ward. It was nice to not have to talk to people but to know they were thinking of our lose. It is such an awful thing the anticipation of a new baby and then in a second life changes and that little one is not coming to you, and you have to switch gears.

One of the saddest parts was when I was in bed, Max came in and needed me to do something. I wasn't able to move and asked if he could wait. He was so upset he said all's I did was lay around in bed and stormed off. It stung. He has seen me be morning sick for 3 months and now dealing with this, something his little mind can't comprehend and he was upset. I felt so bad, I still do. I remember thinking when I was so nauseous I can only do this to my kids so many more times, at least Max who is the only one that will really remember me being pregnant all those times kinda of understands but losing a baby he has never seen was to much for him to understand. We told him the baby was coming later then we thought not before Halloween but maybe in the spring. He didn't understand and still asks my why my belly isn't getting big.

We hope that I can heal and then hopefully be blessed with another baby soon. I have realized what a true blessing it is to have healthy pregnancies and babies. I have been so blessed and probably took it for granite most of the time. I know truly realize what a miracle it all is and how lucky we are. I pray we can have more children and that I can be more sympathetic to anyone who has to deal with something life this.

Harris Family Goals 2015

This year I am making a BIG push to better document our family. I feel so bad these last 18 months or so are not as fully documented as I had wished. I am going to get back at it and make it a priority!! We had an FHE 2 weeks back or so about GOALS!! We are trying hard to establish that early on in our kids lives. I think having short-term and long-term goals helps you keep prospective of whats really important and helps you grow and learn things as a person.

So here is our family and some individual goals for the year!!

• Weekly FHE! 
• Nightly family prayer, kneeling down together. 
• Better at sharing toys. 
• Max learn to read, more reverent during prayers, and riding a bike without training wheels. 
• Noah get potty trained!! Start learning ABC's and not destroying things as much!! 
• OBEY quickly. 
• Larry take and pass California BAR! 
• AnnMarie better documenting, practice more patience, and letting go of a perfectly clean home! 
• At least ONE family vacation! 
• Scout start sleeping thru the night, learn to sit up, crawl, and eat more solids. 
• Show more Kindness. 
• Attend the temple monthly (Larry & AM) 
• Forgive faster. 
• Clean up your own messes, especially toys. 
• LOVE EACH OTHER!! 

One other thing I have been doing is keeping a written journal for each one of the kids. I write in it every few days about what they are doing individual, and let them know how much I love them, and how hard I am trying to be the best mom I can be to them. I hope years from now they know I tried so hard to give them the best life. I hope they know how loved they are by their mom and dad and that I want to remember everything because it does go to to fast, it's hard to imagine them growing up but I know that just these last few years have flown by and I need to soak it all up, and write and type as fast as I can!!

2014

Well here I am again, another year has flown by and it has not been documented on this sad neglected blog. I really wish I could get back to this daily writing or anything but it is SO HARD to find 10 minutes of my day to sit BUT I am going to try SO SO hard this new year 2015!! This last year was really really busy and I did take lots of pictures so there is that but I wish I could have written down more. My boys are growing up so fast it hurts to see really how fast this who motherhood gig is flying by.

Anyway here are some highlights from 2014

• Max graduated form nursery and became a Sunbeam!! 
• In February we found out we were having a little GIRL!! 
• Noah turned 2 and we have the cutest minnie and Mickey mouse party with his BFF Cambria woods who was born 2 days after him. It rained all day which was a damper on the party but the decor was so cute and we had a lot of fun. Later that night we threw a Retirement party for my moms friend. 
• Did MAJOR renovations on the Castle Craigs House including new paint, carpet, and a kitchen redo. It was crazy town for awhile and I thought I'd die with all the renovations, being pregnant, and taking care of 2 very very active boys. 
• In May we MOVED!! My parents bought a huge house and we moved with them and my grandpa moved in with us as well! It is a 4 generation house hold and it is so amazing. 
• Larry and I spent many late nights at the new house painting the kids rooms getting them ready for the big move.
• The move nearly killed us all!! 
• Max turned 4 in June. We had a fun Dinosaur themed b-day party at a local splash pad. We had a huge blow up dinosaur and awesome decorations everywhere and a dino piñata (max request) His cousins came and a few friends from church. 
• Max learned how to swim without his floaties and can jump, dive, and even flip into the pool. He went from not wanting to put his head under water to full on swimming all over the pool. This was the highlight of the summer to see how quickly he learned something and conquered his fear. We would hit the pool for hours and hours and he just loved to swim. It was really nice being pregnant and hot. I'd sit in the middle of the pool and the kids would just swim all around me. 
• Noah learned to swim around with his floaties and enjoyed playing in the water with Max. I loved it because they would crash at night!! 
• Noah learned to talk really well this year and is almost the same size as Max! He is into EVERYTHING!! We call him the devil child. He has broken out of nursery at church, made it across and down the street from out house, learned to climb out of his crib, and gotten lost more times then I can count. He is a handful of a child, but is so cute it is hard to stay mad at him very long! 
• We welcomed a beautiful baby girl named Scout into our family on July 7th. She came quickly and was and is a sweet little girl! (will document more on her soon) 
• Max and Noah began sharing a bedroom, Max can finally sleep through Noah who will wake up in the middle of the night a lot and talk and sing in his crib then go back to sleep. 
• Larry started his FINAL year of law school. After working full time and going to school at night we are all ready for him to be done! 
• We celebrated 7 years of marriage by forgetting and letting the date pass us by until 2 days later we both realized what had happened! Sleep depravation at its best. 
• Halloween was rainy and Noah went to bed and Max tick or treated at one house and was pretty happy with that!! 
• Thanksgiving was busy day hanging out with the Martin and Harris cousins, and Larry and I did our annual shop till we drop all night long!
• I continue to serve in the YW presidency at church and it keeps me pretty busy. 
• Max started Preschool in September and has learned SO much and really enjoys going 3 days a week. He has learned to write his name and we are working on getting him reading and writing better! We decided to really force the writing in his right hand and it seems to be working well for him which was a relief because he really wasn't having a dominate hand in writing. 
• Both boys had their first dental appointments and they were great and their teeth were even better, much to my relief! 
• Max is really into ninjas, star wars, swords, and legos. He plays all day long and has a very vivid imagination. He can turn anything into a sword and lots to stick them down the back of his shirt. He came down stairs in christmas jammies and said "Look mom, I'm a christmas ninja" He loves lego guys and has a big collection he plays with. 
• Noah says so many funny things. His latest thing is when he has to poop he goes into a corner and says "Don't look at me" He called Max...Maxie and Scout...Scoutie. He copies everything Max says and loves to take apart any toy that Max has built. He also has a deep rooted love for all things swords and always wants "THE CLAW" (my dad) to come chase them around the house. 
• Max has really been talking about Jesus a lot (all those FHE & church house are paying off) He prays very well and loves to sing primary songs. 
• Noah loves to read books and will sit for a good 30 minutes being read to. He loves grandma and when she will sit and read to him.
• Larry and I enjoyed our date nights when we can get away we hit a movie and dinner a lot. Its nice to get breather away from kids. 
• AnnMarie continues to spend too much money at Target! 
• Larry took on a large project in our new garage making cabinets all around, he is almost done!! Him and my dad also redid our pantry to make it even more efficient.
• I continue to try to do my monthly meal plans cooking for all these people! 
• Scout is almost 6 months old and after a very very fussy first few months she has now become a chubby happy little baby! She can almost sit up, rolls around, and loves her jumper. She has only slept through the night once or twice and has NO teeth but is drooling tons and comps on everything. She has beautiful blue eyes and rolls that are so deep it's hard to keep them clean ;) She hates baths and her car seat. If she could nurse all day she would :) 
• I survived a bad case of mastitis, but thought I'd die in the process. 
• We continue to go to parks almost daily, and have really gotten into hiking around our new neighborhood. My mom takes the boys out each Sunday on hikes where the go and do fun adventurous things while I get my lessons prepared, get ready, or take nap. It's a great deal! Max and Noah are so blessed to have her to do those special things with.
• December was a busy month full of lots of rain! It was fun to get a new house decorated and to put 2 trees up in the house. The boys really caught the spirit of it all. We didn't get to go as many places this year due to the rain but did get to spend lots of time with the Foell family and made candy houses with the Martin-Harris cousins. 
• Max got a new green lightsaber for christmas and a Razor scooter he is getting good at! Noah got a wiggle wagon which he has been asking for, for awhile. 
• 2014 was a busy and VERY blessed year!! 

I am exhausted by the demands of taking care of 3 little children, but have found my groove and feel like I can handle things a lot better then a few months ago. I couldn't do half the things I do without my moms help and feel SO blessed to have my parents with us. I also feel so blessed to have my grandpa living with us. It is unconventional but it really works well for our family and I wouldn't have it any other way. The new house has allowed us more space to spread out and has a neat backyard that the boys love to climb and play in. I look forward to 2015 being better at documenting it and see what happens to our little family. As the kids get bigger I feel anxiety about remembering it all. I don't want my time to just speed on a head leaving me forgetting so many funny, cute things they did. I want to remember how their little bodies felt when I hugged them or carried them around. I want to remember those slobbery kisses or the crazy things they said or asked or did! I want to remember finding them doing naughty things together or the image of them playing the the bath for so long their tiny feet get pruney. I want to always remember Noahs wild blonde hair or how fast he was at running away from me whenever he was doing something naughty or his deep laugh. Or Max screaming about his ears every time he got his hair cut or the particular way he likes to eat his food.I already forget so many things over the past few years like 2013 it's a blur :( I think its all the lost sleep which has caused me to loose brain cells...I'm sure it's that! Anyways I have many O' goals to set and to try to achieve this upcoming year. 

2015! I'm excited to see what happens, I'm nostalgic that another year has passed by. I'm beginning to feel old but maybe in a good way...like I'm at Costco with my 3 kids filling up the cart full of food I'm buying to feed my kids, in my house, with money my husband made from his real grown up job?! Crazy real life stuff here people! 

Baby #3 is a GIRL!!!!

Can you believe it?  I was SO sure that this baby was a boy but Larry kept thinking it was a girl. I think I kept telling myself I thought it was a boy so that it would be easier. I already know boys, I have the clothes ect. I am really nervous about it all. I feel like every girl baby I know has been more high maintenance then my boys as a baby. But I know some girls mellow out as toddlers and I have some busy toddler boys. One thing I will say is that girl clothes are so stinking cute!! I will be in trouble shopping for her! Can you believe I just typed that..Her!! A Girl!! 

Bringing up BOYS!!

Okay I just want to say a quick thing about this amazing book I read. I have been reading lots of different discipline books, trying to get Noah better at listening and Max on a dedicated discipline plan. This book really isn't about that, it is tips on raising boys the unique nature that is the boy! Honestly this book spoke to me about raising little boys and making them amazing men. There were parts of the book I copied and made Larry read, parts that talk about how important fathers are in pivotal points in boys lives. It made me laugh and cry and nervous for the future. I think it is a must read for anyone! 

Funny Things About Max...

Lately I have noticed that Max really likes to line things up. I am trying to be a funner mom and actually play with Max more not just have him do it alone, which he is good at but I want him to remember me sitting by him playing on the floor. I know he won't remember how clean are house was, or if I looked nice that day, or If we ate a delish gourmet meal, but he will remember his mother taking the time to play with him. The best days are when I give up any agenda and just play with my kids. I am happier and so are they.

I have noticed though in all this playing that Max really likes things just such. It is almost frustrating to the point of crying (on my part) when he gets angry that a toy won't stand up a certain way, or doesn't work like he thinks it should function. I have looked for toys that can't break easy, have easy functions and are easy for him to hold. I know also that he would love certain toys but his patience just ins't ready for them yet. I go out of my way to make things just right so he doesn't get angry because of his personality.

I have found that chunky toys would well and things he already loves like tractors and cars. He has a big collection of hot wheels that works well. Every time he goes to target if he is good he gets to pick our a 97 cent one. I love watching his little imagination develop and grow. He is starting to role play with the toys a little and likes when I join in. He had the army men saving all the princesses the other day which was so cute, he lined them all up, just like his cars! Oh how I love learning from him. I have learned a lot of patiences and to plan ahead and be prepared for all his little ocd needs!

 

 

Can you tell I've given up for the week??

Even as I type this I feel like I've given up for the week, can it just be the weekend? I know I know...the days are long but the years are short right? Well I'm feeling the long days today. Dinner is Cheetos eaten off the floor. Sometimes things seem so light and airy on here, like things are so wonderful and they really are. But the reality is that sometimes I fail at being a mom. The selfish side of me comes out and I am to tired to give it my all. I know really my kids don't care sweet Cheetos for dinner they say but if they only knew that sometimes I feel like a little part of me dies every time I give in and let the selfish side creep in. I always tell myself when Larry is done with law school, or when I have him at home to help me at night things will be better, easier. I don't know if that is true, the demands are still there if not more as these boys get bigger. But for now I'll call tonight a win,  because at least they are eating something right? and have diapers on! Good thing tomorow is always a new day and there is the weekend to have a husband around to help! Hurray for that! 

 

 

Also how sweet is Max, giving Noah that chip? Such loving brothers, maybe I am not doing such a bad job after all! ;) 

March Killed Us...

March has been a rough one...and yes I know its like 2 weeks into April. A plague  of teething, barfing, pooping, snot, and ALOT of crying has entered into our house. It has taken every bit of sanity from me. My house is a disaster zone...really a big bottle of bleach needs to put dumped everywhere...like 5 times over. 

Literally just yesterday while I was changing a watering disaster of a diaper of Max's, I look over and Noah smiles then pukes right next to me. 

Theses are the things I am talking about....so much laundry...so much grossness..

On top of it all the teething is just nonstop crying, drooling, nose running mess. And guess what?? not one single tooth has emerged from Noahs mouth!! 

This weekend really put the cherry on top with Larry taking a weekend long class, meaning I was in the trenches solo. 

OKAY but besides all that, some great stuff did happen. We had some best friends come and visit which I will blog about soon. Noah turned one (we did nothing) and there was some rare snuggling moments form both of the boys. 

Lets hope this next week brings us to and end of the 2013 plague of death. 

Here is some cute pictures of my boys on a happy moment I got to capture. Oh man I love them.  

Sick AGAIN!!

Okay I don't know if it is because it rained, or because the world just hates me. But my boys are sick again. It's not the nice little cold but the gross poop and puke everywhere kinda sickness. The sickness that makes you wonder why in the world did we every have kids because now we have to clean this mess up.

Can you tell I am dying?? We just had sickness?? I tried to go out with the boys, run a few errands take them to the park. We had 2 explosive diapers one from each boy, it was gross everywhere and I was frantically trying to clean it all up in a public bathroom.

Then a miracle happened the boys fell asleep on the way home...SAY WHAT??

I was so excited I even brag on instagram. Yes fist pump to me, now they will sleep away their sickness and grumpiness and I can watch TV all afternoon right?!! haha so wrong. Oh so wrong, both boys woke up and puked everywhere. So about 15 minutes after this picture came this...

 

 Baths to clean up all the mess. I love that this always happens to me and never when Larry is watching them. I did eventually get them cleaned up, clothes washes, car cleaned, and they are now watching a movie. Hopefully this is a quick bug and they will be better tomorow. But man alive I swear it has been our year for sickness. I almost can't wait for it to get hot because normally we never get sick during the summer but who knows, maybe the world is against us right now and the puke epidemic will continue on. 

The Glamorous Life Of A Stay At Home Mom.

Both my boys are naping right now...it is amazing. 

Noah had a lovely ear infection last week, I found out on my birthday

 (FYI birthdays with kids SO different) 

Larry not only has his normal classes this week but also Friday night, and All day Saturday & Sunday. 

I have to teach Relief Society on Sunday...where is screaming Noah going to go?? 

Sometimes when they boys are asleep the last thing I want to do is clean, so I tell myself I will do it later and zone out infront of the TV (does a mom good) 

I have created a 3 point plan to get rid of ALL bottle in our house, potty train Max, and get the boys in the same room. My goal is by August this is complete...haha insert Max stroking his bottle and saying no mommy I love my baba. 

One of my favorite times of the day is putting Max to sleep. We lay on his bed listening to primary music, with his toddler body nestled up to me it is heaven. I love the smell of him and his tiny snores. Oh how big he is getting, it hurts my heart every time I see him doing a big boy thing. 

With Noah turning one, I contemplate when we get to have another sweet baby around...Larry has a full year of law school left and the bar to take. Every time I think about it I get irrationally sad. Trying to balance fiscal responsibility with my crazy need to reproduce is a bit hard. 

I made a goal to drink less diet coke...then it went major on sale and quickly forgot about said goal. 

I also told Larry I could stay out of Target for an entire week! I have been Target free for 4 days...do we think I can make it :) 

Lastly I have decided that have one baby is amazing...but having 2 is over the top. Seeing Max and Noah interact with each other makes my heart want to burst. I know it is sappy but honestly, when I see them make each other laugh or Max share with Noah is makes me know to my very core how worth it  is to have these boys. And what a blessing it is! Despite the messes, and fights, my boys are so sweet and loving most of the time it makes up for me doing this parenting thing by myself (most of the time) totally worth it.

Couldn't you just eat this baby alive? 

Did you know...

That both my kids are teething right now. Hurray for us. That is what happens when you have kids close in age...It's defiantly one of the negative things about that. Poor little Noah's top 4 teeth are all swollen and coming in at the same time. It makes for some nasty runny noses and some very very cranky days. The poor little guy just crawls around crying as his nose runs like a hose. On the other hand we have Max whose bottom molars are breaking through, it's the last of his teeth to come in and boy does he have some high temps and awful diapers. I know you all love these gory details.

Needless to say we've had some cranky long afternoons, and are counting our blessings for baby Tylenol! Having teething kids is one of the things I pretty much hate because there is so little as a mom I can do and I get frustrated with the diapers, wiping endless noses, and endless crying. But when my sweet Noah finally feel asleep in my arms, his deep breathing and sweaty body due to the fever against mine just made me so grateful, or when Max said, thanks mom for changing a particularly gross diaper made me once again think despite the awfulness of it all that these boys are mine and I am so grateful everyday for that!

So teething fairy that decided to do double duty at our house...please go away or let those sweet baby teeth come in fast so we can get it all over with! Because this mamma is ready for some not so cranky, happy kids! Thanks!

Today I Decided My Kids Are Out To KILL Me...

Let me first start off with the statement that I deeply deeply love my children. Being a mother is my number one priority and I would never swap positions with anyone or do anything else in the world. I feel gratitude every day that I get to have these precious babies in my life.

However...

Today I realized that these kids are out to kill me! My stubborn two year old wants me gone so that he can run wild naked through the house swinging his baseball bat at anything and anyone. He wants to eat only candy all day along with Cheetos and bottles. He wants me to lose fingers as he bites me as I desperately pin him down to brush his teeth twice a day, and turn his head at any healthy or good food i display in cool ways for him. He has me pleading and beging to take just one bite and I feel like I am constantly say stop and no at him.

My chubby almost 6 months baby {sad} has me up in the night still... squawking and crying for food when no one should be awake! Every night I say a sweet prayer that tonight will be the night he sleeps a good long time! And every night and grumble as I kick the covers off to go get him, thinking I've been doing this for 6 months now!

I am so tired of being the only parent that is on the front lines battling with children. I know my sweet husband wants to be there but he can't and it leaves me feeling like I am the only one who is getting beat down by these little people!

The other night after a particularly long evening both kids were a sleep and I took a much needed shower. While I was showering it was the first piece and quiet I had had all day. I thought about how much I loved my kids but how fried I felt. I thought about how I had not exercised since the baby was born, or how my hair was falling out and the last time I had it done was before Noah was born. At that moment I knew these kids were getting the best of me.

I decided to turn a new leaf. I am dedicating more time to myself I need to get my hair done more often, I need to exercise and feel good about my body. I need to take deep breaths when Max refuses to eat and if he goes hungry I can't stress myself out about it. I need to let Noah cry it out so that I can regain some normal sleep patterns in my life. No wonder I feel so out of it I sleep so little and its often interrupted.

I need to feel like me again!

I so badly want to have more babies but I need to regain my body back and feel well rested for awhile. I need to tell myself these years and stages go by so fast and albeit very very hard times I will be sad when they are gone. I known I can find a balance and fight the terrible twos with better grace then I am doing now! I can't let the stubborn 2 year old win!

The one thing that saves me every night is when I sit down to read Max stories. We have a standard bedtime routine with bathing, brushing teeth, stories, prayers ect. Every night we lay on the big bed and read stories. Max snuggles up to me and listens and talks to me all about the stories while Noah rolls around at the bottom of the bed. Those evenings where everyone is happy and calm are so precious and those moments make me know this is the best job in the world. I know I am doing something right when Max folds his arms and says his prayers with me. They are such  sweet simple 2 word sometimes prayers but I know he is getting it and all the tantrums and battles throughout the day were worth it.

Another thing that saves me is going in right before I go to bed and checking on both of my sleeping boys. They are so peaceful and perfect sleeping away, and in that moment I know that tomorrow will be just as hard as the day before but oh how precious they are and my heart is so full with love for them I can't stand it.

So here is to my new leaf to being a better more rested put together mom!

Wish me luck!

I NEED SLEEP.

Oh man I am so tierd. I about cried last night when around midnight we heard Max screaming. He is usually such a good sleeper but for some reason last night he was up twice...I think he is having nightmares. Noah was up promptly at his usual times 1 and 5 am and had a huge blow out the latter time which is just what you want when you have only slept 2 hours. Needless to say I am in desperate need of some good  uninterrupted sleep.

 I even weened Noah from nursing, well he weened himself which broke my heart but I though hey at least with the formula he will sleep through the night, silver lining right? Nope, this kid is a garbage disposal. Then I thought okay he is big enough let start giving him some rice cereal, and we even tried some bannans but he really wasn't getting the hang of it, so I guess we will continue feeding him constantly until I buck up the courage to let him cry it out.  So I have sore boobs and a kid that is still not sleeping through the night, awesome times around here.  I know I just need to let him cry it out but man alive when your so sleep deprived hearing the constant screaming for over an hour makes my blood boil...and kinda breaks my heart {but only just a little}

Anyone needed a good dose of birth control can just read all my posts of sleepless nights and I'm sure that will help :) No it's not all bad but man I can't function with so little sleep going on 4 months now. I am mean straight up say awful things to anyone in my way and thats never good for your relationships. I start to put things like milk in the pantry and random things like Max's shoes in the fridge. I know this will end eventually but really it doesn't because your toddlers have nightmares, you have more babies, and the sleep never comes. I guess my body will adapt, I'm just in the in between phase where the body is fighting it, but eventually it will adapt to running off so little sleep and hopefully functioning like a happy normal person :)  Right?? I am RIGHT? I will just keep telling myself that and keep kissing my boys and watching them when they DO sleep contently and thinking how heavenly they look when they are sleeping.

For all you mothers out there...

I thought that this weeks motherhood moment needed a little humor in it, because really to get the most out of motherhood you have to find humor in the small things or else all the failures and small disasters throughout your day will eat you alive. Case in point this morning after waking up multiple times to sooth my sweet Noah {turned devil baby} he yet again was crying, I was on the point of screaming which isn't good when its 5:00am and other are sleeping, he spat up everywhere then had this huge grin on his toothless chubby face...how could you not laugh? Or when I got into the shower this morning to find that my amazing husband who bathes the children almost every night when he is home had left every single bath toy in the tub to accumulate down by the drain. Instead of getting mad I just laughed about all the toys that Max needs in the bath and took my shower occasionally stepping on rubber ducks and foam letters.

The whole point of being a mother is to experience it in its entirety, and I think cleaning up messes big or small is part of it. My goal in life is to teach Max to pick up his toys, but if he forgets and I happen to trip over them in the middle of the night when I go to his rescue when he is crying, sure I want to kick them and say a swear word, but really I should be grateful the messes are there because I know someday {forever from now it seems} my house will be empty and all those small messes of race cars, balls, and left over crackers will be a distant memory. I need to remember that the piles of books on the bed were there because we had an hour of story time and what a sweet memory and moment that was instead of getting irritated they weren't cleaned up.

I do however want a clean house where my children feel safe, people want to hang out, and it doesn't seem like an episode of Horders, but I think there is a season for everything. Right now the season in my life is raising young children so messes are always around us, sometimes I want to just scream when i've cleaned up a room, will walk down a hall to another and discover that Max was playing to his hearts content with everything in it. There are moments when I snap at Larry for leaving his socks right by the hamper but when I look back I always feel bad that I over reacted because people are more important then the messes, and part of being a mom is cleaning up, and that is okay.

Lastly I just want to add that sometimes the only thing that gets me through my day is just to laugh at how nuts it can get when both boys are crying for something and I am frantically running around trying to do it all. If only we could see ourselves, myself in particular running around usually with my nursing cover on,playing with Max in his trampoline,making faces at Noah, carrying both boys up and down the stairs, desperately trying to get Max to eat, its all a show and its pretty funny to watch! I am desperately trying to enjoy being a mother because it is the greatest gift I've been given and when my kids are older, things are less messy, I want them to know how hard I tried to be the best mom for them and that I loved being their mom.

A Moment In Motherhood...

I love the idea of having a motherhood moment on my blog each week. It might be a wash though because this entire blog is really dedicated to the journaling of our family so it is pretty much already about being a mom, but I recently I have been reading more church talks about motherhood and have even started reading some different parenting books so its on my mind. I wanted to share this quote by  Elder Neal L. Anderson....

I really love this quote, and I love the small part where he says "It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in, It is what God gave you time for". Sometimes when I am busy doing things like dishes, laundry, or even trying to read I get frustrated when Max is pulling on my clothes or Noah is crying for something. I have even caught myself being short with Max because I am putting something I want to do before what is most important. Motherhood is a juggling act where you prioritize your children's needs over your own. And this quote reminds me that my time, at the moment is not really mine, but needs to be fully dedicated to my children and their needs. 

My best days as a mother are when I drop everything and just play with Max, hold Noah, and spend the entire day taking care of them and serving them. On those days I am happier, less overwhelmed, and the boys are happier. I know that my husband can tell a difference when he walks in the door on the days I have dedicated to put my all into motherhood. Somedays are more overwhelming, and tiring then others and at times I feel like I am not cut out for it, but that is the great thing about little kids, they are forgiving and tomorrow is always a new day to be a better mom. 

  

Me and Noah wearing our Sunday best. I am so grateful I have been given the gift of time to raise my sweet boys, the good, the bad, and the ugly of motherhood. My calling as a mother is the greatest gift I have been given. Also look at those cheeks, how could you not just want to kiss those all day long?