Today I Decided My Kids Are Out To KILL Me...

Let me first start off with the statement that I deeply deeply love my children. Being a mother is my number one priority and I would never swap positions with anyone or do anything else in the world. I feel gratitude every day that I get to have these precious babies in my life.

However...

Today I realized that these kids are out to kill me! My stubborn two year old wants me gone so that he can run wild naked through the house swinging his baseball bat at anything and anyone. He wants to eat only candy all day along with Cheetos and bottles. He wants me to lose fingers as he bites me as I desperately pin him down to brush his teeth twice a day, and turn his head at any healthy or good food i display in cool ways for him. He has me pleading and beging to take just one bite and I feel like I am constantly say stop and no at him.

My chubby almost 6 months baby {sad} has me up in the night still... squawking and crying for food when no one should be awake! Every night I say a sweet prayer that tonight will be the night he sleeps a good long time! And every night and grumble as I kick the covers off to go get him, thinking I've been doing this for 6 months now!

I am so tired of being the only parent that is on the front lines battling with children. I know my sweet husband wants to be there but he can't and it leaves me feeling like I am the only one who is getting beat down by these little people!

The other night after a particularly long evening both kids were a sleep and I took a much needed shower. While I was showering it was the first piece and quiet I had had all day. I thought about how much I loved my kids but how fried I felt. I thought about how I had not exercised since the baby was born, or how my hair was falling out and the last time I had it done was before Noah was born. At that moment I knew these kids were getting the best of me.

I decided to turn a new leaf. I am dedicating more time to myself I need to get my hair done more often, I need to exercise and feel good about my body. I need to take deep breaths when Max refuses to eat and if he goes hungry I can't stress myself out about it. I need to let Noah cry it out so that I can regain some normal sleep patterns in my life. No wonder I feel so out of it I sleep so little and its often interrupted.

I need to feel like me again!

I so badly want to have more babies but I need to regain my body back and feel well rested for awhile. I need to tell myself these years and stages go by so fast and albeit very very hard times I will be sad when they are gone. I known I can find a balance and fight the terrible twos with better grace then I am doing now! I can't let the stubborn 2 year old win!

The one thing that saves me every night is when I sit down to read Max stories. We have a standard bedtime routine with bathing, brushing teeth, stories, prayers ect. Every night we lay on the big bed and read stories. Max snuggles up to me and listens and talks to me all about the stories while Noah rolls around at the bottom of the bed. Those evenings where everyone is happy and calm are so precious and those moments make me know this is the best job in the world. I know I am doing something right when Max folds his arms and says his prayers with me. They are such  sweet simple 2 word sometimes prayers but I know he is getting it and all the tantrums and battles throughout the day were worth it.

Another thing that saves me is going in right before I go to bed and checking on both of my sleeping boys. They are so peaceful and perfect sleeping away, and in that moment I know that tomorrow will be just as hard as the day before but oh how precious they are and my heart is so full with love for them I can't stand it.

So here is to my new leaf to being a better more rested put together mom!

Wish me luck!