I want 4 more kids please....

Lately I've been thinking about how much I love this whole mothering gig. Pretty much it sucks everything out of you. As a mother I give and I give until I fall down and fall asleep, and then I'm still up in the night at least half the nights. Somedays I want to scream in frustration as I am continually finding myself pleading with a stubborn toddler to do what I want him to do. Sometimes I just want to lay down on the couch and let them run wild, fending for themselves. Most of these moments are short lived...I wallow in my sticky messy life and then move on. I pick myself up from the floor covered in toys and realize how good this gig really is. I love being a mom. I usually am oozing with love for my boys and for being able to stay home. I do feel so fortunate to be able to stay home with them. Larry works long hours and then goes to school long hours all for the sake of me staying home with the boys. I have the education and ability to work but I get the gift of seeing the big picture and staying home.

Recently I've been so happy with the boys. I have given up any of my goals of getting things done during the day. I find that Max is so much happier, obedient, and better if I just sit and play with him and really let him lead our schedule for the day. Sometimes we sit and watch too much Dora. Other days we play outside throwing sticks and balls. We do puzzles, color, and throw bean bags. He helps me cook {which I secretly hate and drives me nuts} we go to the Library and walk around chasing ducks and turkeys. If I pay attention to him he listens better, eats better, and I really hear all the sweet things he says. He is learning to say I love ___ insert whatever it is, or if he is being too nuts and I reprimand him he says sorry mom. I know that while I am doing nothing monumental for my life...I am changing his by leaps and bounds. I know that I am making monumental memories and setting a firm foundation of love in his life {and Noahs}.

These boys have changed me for the good and the bad. I forget so much more now then I ever did... the mom brain is true! My body is different and I am dead tired pretty much always...but oh man it is so worth it. I've been thinking about it all a lot lately because Im at a point where if I had a choice I would probably have another baby or get pregnant again soon. That being said, we still have another year and a half of law school to finish and things are busy so I am struggling with all the big things that are there to consider. It's hard to know when to bring another baby into the family, and it's really been a focus on my mind lately  How do you deal with the sadness of your baby getting big...how do you decied when to have another?  We want a big family but man alive law school is a baby in itself :) 

I guess I am trying to say I'm ready for another one...but is our bank account...is our house...is Larry's carrer ready? There are so many factors that make me sad to even think about. Let me tell you having a surprise baby is so much better then this planning. How big is too big of an age gap? What if it's another boy...will he be sad he isn't as close as the other 2 boys? Am I the only one that stresses over this? I guess I will leave it to the lord to let me know and for now I will enjoy these 2 little crazies ..that are giving me a run for my money but how cute would like 5 more be right?? :) Yes Please!