Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot. Life is hard, and I am a little sick of it.

As I was sitting in my bathroom crying last night while my sweet Mr. was putting the baby down I realized so many of my fervent prayers have gone unanswered. I feel lost and a little alone. I've been frusterated and feeling like I am losing my faith a bit. I understand that not all my prayers will be answered but at the moment I feel like they are being ignored.

My husband has given me many O talks about prayer and faith but really I don't want to hear that, I just want everything to work out..is that so hard to ask? We do EVERYTHING I feel like we are suppose to do and try our hardest so where is the love?

I know I know I am healthy, I have a healthy baby and a roof over my head and food to eat but I just want to catch a break...ya know? And on top of that I feel emense guilt for not being grateful for that and just that.

Anyway these things have been weighing on my mind. Its hard. Life is...really if I knew mortality would be this way I am not so sure I would have chosen this plan :)

Am I alone out there? Does anyone cry on their bathroom floor from time to time? Does anyone feel like what the heck am I doing here?

One last thing. Today in church this women spoke about a storm coming in your life. Bad things happen whether it be a long drizzle or a down poor it comes. I thought dang that is right...My life is a long painful drizzle at times and she mentioned that some blessings don't come till after this life...oh boy. I don't know how I feel about that.

more to ponder about I guess...and keep praying even if they are being ignored :)

Whoot whoot...

I picked this baby up the other day and her little love bird. This one is named Hedwig and her lover is named Harry who is in another room right now. Isn't she lovely?

We have an exciting weekend planned with laundry, and nursing baby max back to better health. The poor baby has been sleeping in my bed coughing all night long, I feel so helpless I just could squish his chunky legs and kiss him all day long.

We are celebrating Larrys grade as well tonight! I have made secret reservations for dinner and am going to suprise him to celebrate! PF Chang's yummy fried rice here we come.

Happy Friday peeps!

The Jimmer Show

This post is dedicated to the student lawyer that sleeps in my bed:

Dear Jimmer Jammer,

My husband loves you. He would name our 2nd son after you if he could. Good luck tonight against SDSU, hope you have another 40+ point night tonight.

Love, AnnMarie

PS. If my husband was to tragically die will you please be next in line? My husband thinks its a fair idea.

LoVe

I made this...



what do you think? I didn't turn out exactly how I wanted being that I couldn't find the letters I wanted everywhere. Sadly there is NO Hobby Lobby or Roberts Craft here in San Diego {add that to the con list of living here} and I had to scavenge around a small Micheals. Its okay though Its cute enough.

Poor Max has his first cold and is stuffy, runny, coughy, his little cry is so sick sounding I feel so bad...I better go give him some love.

Weekly Schedule

My upcoming week is busy:

I will be thrift store shopping this week looking for frames, books, baby clothes, fabric. I have a play date, I will be making this, and this for dinner sometime. I will make out with the Mr. and kiss the chubby cheeks of the baby. I will try to stay away from Target, and find somewhere yummy to eat for date night and plan my valentines ideas for the husband. Any ideas out there that are budget friendly and you don't need a babysitter? I also will be watching a new Bones and doing some laundry which is always fun with a 7 month old and lastly kissing the Mr. some more.

I have an exciting life.

thu-thur-thursday!

Sometimes I think the man of the house wonders what we do all day long?

Play with photo booth all day of course, listening to some John Mayer

In other important news. I made BBQ chicken pizza last night it was delish even Max gave a squeal of delight. We also made a trip to the fabric store and I could not resist buying some girl print flannel. Pink owls and such, I love it and will keep it safe till she comes to our house one day. Also Thursday night means date night. Yahoo. Let the kissing, cute outfit, makeup wearing night begin! Also there is a new Bones! Oh the insanity & excitement at our house.

7 months

Max J. Harris is

7 months old

I'm dying because my sweet 5 pounder baby is now almost 20 pounds and not so much of a baby anymore...kinda

I love to see him grow and develop but a little piece of my is heart broken because he isn't so small and sleepy and cuddly anymore...I feel like I am losing a baby and gaining a toddler...irrational I know. Larry says I'm crazy.

Anyways Max is developing beautifully says the Dr. He sits up, scoots, puts everything in his mouth, grabs everything and has a tight little grip! He sits in a high chair and only wants what your eating. He has two beautiful bottom front teeth. He loves to sit up and play with toys and chew on pacifiers. He loves looking at himself in the mirror and has a soft spot in his heart for his dad. Larry can get him to laugh like no other! Seriously his laugh is the best part of my day. He is ticklish in his chubby thighs and when you blow on the bottom of his feet. I love him smile, lets face it I'm madly in love him.

He can roll from one side of the room to the other..it just takes him about 20 minutes. He knows how to make farting noises during the sacrament and screams for no reason and loves pulling my hair. He is a busybody and sits only when he is barricaded or surrounded by toys. He laughs a lot and still loves his baths and car rides. Some days he cries a lot and refuses to take his morning nap but for the most part he takes 2 very long naps that are most appreciated.

Some days it feels like its been so long and other days I can't believe its already 7 months and we are looking towards his first birthday. It makes me sad because the baby year goes so fast and I don't want to forget sweet moments we have together.

n NMD,C./., MKJHV { mAX saying hello as he sits on my lap}

I know it is great he is growing, that is what he is suppose to do, but I'm sure all you mom's know how hard it is to see your baby become a moving little human. Anyways I am so grateful he is mine for this Short time on earth. Seriously Heavenly Father you sent me a good one. Thanks for letting me be is mom.

10 things..

10 things I'm looking forward to or have happened lately:

1. Cheesecake Factory
2. Max slept through the night
3. Tax return
4. Grades being posted in 10 days :/ nervous for Larry a little
5. My jean quilt arrived today
6. Valentines day decorations
7. My mom is coming to visit in 3 weeks
8. Trying to let go of my worries
9. Primary is finally getting organized
10. Bones is all new this week!!

All Grown Up

Look who has his own highchair!

Such a grownup these days

just another wednesday night

And the day starts:

It was one of those mornings when your laying in your nice warm bed after an up and down night with the baby and you are feeling pms-ish but who knows when your period is coming because after a baby your still messed up even 7 months later. And yes in the morning he is sleeping next to you his legs kicking your ribs and your almost falling off the bed because he and your husband are taking up the rest.

Fast forward to 20 minutes later your moving the sleeping baby into his car seat because you only have one car and your husband has to be taken to school and the freeway is jammed and you know he is panicking because its his criminal law class that he sits in the front row and cannot be late.

You drop him off somewhere close to the building where his friends probably can't get a glimpse of you because you haven't brushed your hair and your wearing your glasses and the baby is screaming because he should be back in that warm bed with you. Then you make it back home baby is sleeping in car seat so you deiced to lay back down and 3 seconds later once your warm and cozy the baby cries...he is ready to be up for the day.

It is one of those mornings.

Goals of the week:
Grocery Shop
Oil Change, wheels rotated
Visit friend for her b-day {belated}
Get primary subs
do tons of laundry @ the laundry mat--No fun :)

Sweet baby love

The other day I had an experience that made me realize how thankful I am to have Max. After talking to this person for awhile I realized that I would not give up max for traveling, money, eating out more or anyother experience that requires you to be childless.

Seriously It really did hit me as I was washing the dishes listening to him play on the floor...how could someone put off having one of these for worldly reasons? It was a tender mercy as nothing in our life seems to be in our control at the moment and I am so done being in student mode I am overwhelming thankful we had him when we did even though its tough and everyday can be challenging, boring, or the kind of day you eat ice cream for lunch because its been one of those mornings.

He is amazing and how can your heart not melt when he gives you the smile and you see his 2 bottom teeth poking out? Having this revelation was just what I needed, really I feel better at the moment and confident in the choices we have made and know we will meet our goals that we've made.

Foodie

Here are 2 recipes I tried this week and got an applause and a nod to cooking it again.

Creamy Pesto Chicken & Bow Ties
2tbsp. butter
4 skinless boneless chicken breast cut into cubes
1 can cream of chicken soup
1/2 cup pesto sauce
1/2 cup of milk.
3 cups of bow tie pasta

Heat butter in pan then add chicken and cook until well browned. Then add the soup, pesto, milk and stir well till creamy and bubbling. Cook until chicken is cooked through then stir in the pasta.

Dijon Mustard Chicken

4 skinless boneless chicken breasts {I cut them into cubes because they cook faster}
1 can cream of celery soup
1 tbsp. Dijon mustard {I used brown spicy because that's what I had}
2/3 cup of water
Salt and pepper to taste-I thought it was bland so I added a lot of pepper
4 cups of rice

Cook the chicken then add the soup, water, and mustard. Stir well until think and incorporated. Add the salt and pepper to taste and serve over white rice.

*These both were good and the pasta made great lunch leftovers the next day. I use a lot of chicken because its cheaper and we are always looking for new ways to cook it.*

Resolute 2011

So we are only into day 6 of the new year so I figured I would document my resolutions of the year. In all reality I have like a million resolutions that differ day to day and I give up on then try again. That is the journey right?

Well these are a few that I want to stick to for at least 6 months

1. Eat a salad once a day.
2. Drink less diet coke..? haha I can Do this!
3. Cook a new receipt once a week.
4. Go to Target only ONCE a month and only BUY what I need.
5. Take Max on a walk 4 times a week.
6.Complain less about living in San Diego.
7. Fulfill my calling above and beyond.
8. Attend the temple once a month...bite the bullet and get a babysitter.
9.Only eat out on date night.
10. Do a good dead once a week.

I need to recognize the things I am good at and do other things better. I hope my sewing skills get better and I can become a better mom and wife. I want to get less frustrated with our life situation and to remember that things are only temporary and to count my blessings.

Will do an inventory in a month and see how its going!

Confession

Confession of the day: I am not liking my life right now. Does anyone else every feel this way? When you feel like you can't go another day and you keep thinking where did I go wrong? I am having on of those weeks and it is only wednsday! I think its because school has started again for Larry and we are back to the bugdet ,coupon, eat as much spaghetti, ramen noddles as you can don't waste a Pennie mode, which I HATE!

Don't get me wrong I am all for frugality and living with in your means...but that is just it we have no means so I am dutifully trying to not remind myself of the large debt that continues to grow or the fact that I can't buy anything unless it is essential, but some days its just hard to not dwell on.

I mean are we ever going to get a house or be done with school? I get discrougaed because it feels like the only way people get what they want in life is if they have 2 incomes. Its sad but I think I am coming to the reality that it is true. I can work, I have a great skill, But I am choosing to stay at home and raise baby Max...but man it is tempting to stick him in daycare forever only have one kid and have 2 incomes...ahh that is Satan in my head.

Anyway this is me tying to justify my life choices that at the moment I am struggling with. To not work or to work is a constant battle and conversation in our home. Larry thinks I should do what I want but I am undecided at the moment. How does everyone else get buy?

Hopefully this panic attack will go away by next week :)

The new Year Begins Poopie...

LITERALLY.

Today we headed back to San Diego. It was a tearful goodbye at the airport and me taking deep breaths trying to compose myself through security. Later on the plane {totally intrupting Max's nap time} max decided to poop EVERYWHERE. I would have taken a picture but thats gross. Anyways it was up his back and everywhere. Have you ever tried changing a diaper on a plane in that tiny little bathroom, what a joke. Plus being the best mom ever I forgot to bring an extra pair of clothes. So yes my baby sat half naked with just his diaper on the rest of the plain ride and as we carried him through the airport. Great looks I got from passer buyers. To top it off the boy was beyond tired and screamed bloody murder cries the last 30 minutes of the flight. We tried everything even let him lick a life saver but his ears were hurting and he didn't want to suck anything and he was tired hence the melt down. Needless to say Southwest was glad to say goodbye.

So is this a sign of what this year might be? I pray not...really we don't need anymore law school and bills and being poor is already more then one emotional mom can handle.


Continue on to New Years Eve. We had a great time at a party {We actually went somewhere} My parents watched Max and we went out to dinner, dance, live band, comic...it was so great. We were probably the youngest couple there and my old young women's leader was there...but that's how we roll these days.

Here is Larry and I in all our glory.



I am missing EDH and my parents and my house and my beloved sister-in-law but we will be back soon...you better believe it. Max misses being around people constantly. He keeps looking at me like saying...where is everyone its just you and me? Haha

Hope everyone had a great night and a better start to the year!